quick like fast

So i'm down in oklahoma and I want to give everyone an update, but i'm going to try to be as quick in writing it as possible, since I'm borrowing someone's computer at the moment and he'll probably want it back as soon as he's done talking to his girlfriend on the phone.  Fortunately, she's pretty longwinded.  It's been a lot warmer down here than it is back home.  Today it was nearly 90 degrees!  It was a bit of a rough start, but I'm gaining momentum.  The dorms are basically a bunkhouse, the people are VERY rough and crass, but I definitely see a place where I can make a difference.  One of my prayers coming down here was that I could be a blessing to the people around me while I'm down here, and I definitely am feeling like that is possible.

I've found a church that I can plug into down here.  I went for the first time and had conversations with probably a dozen people who noticed that I was new and welcomed me.  Also, someone invited me over to lunch with them which was wonderful.  It was great to get away from school and hang around people that I could let my guard down and be comfortable instead of trying to be sure i was representing what i want to represent.  I'm looking forward to spending the next 3 months getting to know the people there and hopefully finding a way to get involved in their community.

Finally, the learning curve on the practical aspect of horseshoeing school has been pretty steep.  It basically felt like we were thrown at a horse and told 'now you do it.'  The first week was a bit rocky, but I'm starting to feel like I'm gaining at least some degree of proficiency.  I was smiling a lot today as I was working because I know I'm getting better and I know that I really CAN do this.  I can learn a lot, I can graduate, and I can go back to Minnesota and make a living doing it.  One of the ideas I'm throwing around is having a goal of getting my journeyman farrier certification at the end of the twelve weeks.  It would be hard to do, but not impossible.  it seems, at the very least, to be a good thing to shoot for and something to help me stay motivated.

Thank you everyone for your support and your prayers.  It really feels like God's hand has been on me and the things I'm doing down here and I KNOW it's because of all the prayer support I've been getting. Please continue praying for me, specifically that I'll be able to make some connections at Emmanuel Baptist of Purcell, find a way to serve there without compromising school, be a good influence on my fellow students and make a positive difference in their lives, and continue to be motivated and encouraged as I shoe horses.  Also, please pray that I do not injure myself or get sick.  So far, I've been very blessed and have only gotten minor scrapes and cuts.

Thanks again everyone.  I'll try to, in the near future, post some of the things I've been writing, but for now I have to go. there's a thunderstorm brewing and my computer time is up.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOKlahoma where the wind comes sweeping down the plains...

Dear Friends and Family:

I have very exciting news.  On April 11, 2011, I will be beginning a 12 week curriculum at Oklahoma Horseshoeing School, where I will spend 9 hours a day for 6 days a week learning everything I can about taking care of horses' feet.  I'm beginning my journey on the 9th, driving 800 miles to a place I've never been, never seen, but have only heard about.  It's scary.  It's very scary.

Some of you may not know that I've spent about half of my life working with horses.  I grew up in Zumbrota on a farm where, in cooperation with my dad's parents, we bred, raised and trained Paso Fino horses.  A significant portion of my teenage life was spent taking care of, training, and learning about horses.  So, to those of you who may think this is a strange step for me to be taking, I assure you it is not.

I've struggled with school for nearly five years now, moving from one educational institution to another.  The most important thing I've learned in all of this is that I'm not ready to get a bachelor's degree or even an AA degree.  I just can't make it seem important enough.  Always it's in competition for time from my job, my social life, my involvement in church, reading interesting books, watching TV, playing video games...the list goes on.  Realizing this in recent months has been frustrating, and I began looking for alternatives.  Becoming a farrier (dude who takes care of horses' feet....think of them as 'horse podiatrists') was one alternative I was presented with about two years ago and passed by, because I just wasn't ready to pursue it.  Now, the opportunity reared its head again and I decided to pursue it.

I'm excited at the prospect of the occupation.  I've always liked horses, though I'll admit that having ten or twenty on the farm certainly seemed like a nuisance when trying to juggle high school, sports, social life..., and know that I will be passionate about taking the BEST care of them that I possibly can.  I do a very good job of latching onto information and processing it into useful knowledge.  Horseshoeing is FULL of information like this.  Also, I've had a year and a half experience at Caribou Coffee where I've come to understand the service industry on a very deep level, as well as have grown to appreciate the importance of networking and customer service/communication.  With the training I'll receive at Oklahoma Horseshoeing School, I believe I'll be very well set up to enter back into the horse world as a well trained and highly skilled farrier.

I won't have a computer down at OHS, nor will I have regular access to internet, but my hope is to go to a library on a weekly basis, or some similar regular interval, to update this blog and check my emails.  I will have my cell phone, for those of you who have the number or know where you can get it, and I'll be done with my classes on a daily basis at 4 PM if you care to reach me, talk with me, check in with me, etc.  This adventure is going to be more difficult than probably any undertaking I've yet attempted, but I've done as much as I can to be sure that I am prepared and will have as few distractions as possible.  Your support would be much appreciated while I am down at OHS, whether it is prayer or mail or just general encouragement.  The address that snail mail can be sent to (and I actually really love snail mail) is:

Jef Allen
Oklahoma Horseshoeing School
26446 Horseshoe Cir.
Purcell, OK 73080

I will be living at dormitories on the compound at the school and will be almost COMPLETELY immersed in the culture and experience the school has to offer.

One of the reasons this opportunity excites me is that, once I am done at OHS, I will be responsible for finding my own clientele and will basically decide my workload and how I want to go about marketing and networking.  I have no delusions that I won't be scrambling for any opportunity I can lay my hands on once I return this summer, but as I progress and get my foot in the door, I will be able to work at my own pace and with incredible freedom.  I'll be able to work around other things that are important to me such as ministry opportunities, mission trips, vacations, and time for writing.  Also, there is always the opportunity to develop and become a better farrier.  There's no real limit to what I can achieve.  I find it impossible to be anything BUT excited about these prospects. 

I expect I will be returning to the twin cities (over 4th of July weekend) after completing the 12 week program (that sounds funny...especially if you substitute 'step' for 'week'...I digress), begging for a place to stay from some of my friends, and then seeking out an apprenticeship under one of the established farriers in the Twin Cities area.  From there...who knows?  I'm just excited to be stepping forward into a bigger adventure than what I've been living lately.  I'm excited at the prospect of financial independence and stability.  I'm excited at the idea of making life better for horse owners and, yes, even horses.  Also, I'm excited that the years I spent working on a farm will actually be useful again, as they so often seem to be just quaint memories in the city, as the environment is so very different.

Thanks for taking the time to read this post and learning what it is I'm setting out to do.  I hope the information presented here is useful and gives you insight into me and what I'm about and what I'm going to be doing.  I'd love to stay in contact with as many people as possible, although the amount of time and internet access available to me down in Oklahoma will limit that to a degree, so please, if you try to contact me, be patient and I'll do my best to respond when I can. (sounds like an answering machine message). 

Thanks again and God bless!

consider it to be thoughts, puking themselves out onto the page: one giant blob of idea that maybe makes a little sense.

It is time to write.

This blog is nearly abandoned, which was not my initial intent.

However, I've been dormant because of my frustration. I've been frustrated with myself. I've been frustrated with the place I find myself in, as far as life goes. When I think about what I WANT to do with my life, there is an ache. I ache because I want to contribute to everything around me. I want to make people's days better. I want to give an artistic contribution. Yet, as with many people (if not all) I find my time and efforts being consumed by the drudgery of trying to pay bills and just get ENOUGH money. I don't like that thought. What is 'enough money'? Obviously, I don't have it. But will I ever get there?

Perhaps the frustration is more that I am consumed with the idea, and less with the idea itself. I don't like having anxiety about money. I don't like living paycheck to paycheck. Now, I find myself able to do something about it. I find myself pursuing the opportunity to do something about it.

I'm going to leave everything I know for three months. I'm going to pack up and pursue an opportunity to learn a skill that will be enough, I hope. My sincerest hope is that this adventure will inspire me, encourage me, and give me the freedom to be an artist, and to leave behind some of the crutches that I lean on. I lean on my video games, my TV shows....lots of different things, just so I will fill time. I take the pain and the emotion that I feel and I either bury it, or I let it be sucked out. Instead of expressing it, I fight with it.

Donald Miller wrote about life being an adventure. He talked about how we were MEANT to live a life worth writing about. Instead, so many of us sit on our ambition and fight to be comfortable. I would be content to be uncomfortable, I think, if it meant I could create art that inspires people.

The next three months I view like the idea of hell in an epic. A hero leaves home, usually at some sort of catalysmic event. They go out into the world and struggle; usually with the help of people close to them. Like in the Odyssey, there is the yearning for home. Yet, before he can return home, he has to walk into hell itself. He learns what he needs to know in order to return home. Then Odysseus returns home a hero.

Maybe that's what I'm hoping for in all of this: that I will find home when I'm done. I hope that I will be able to return and MAKE a home for myself.

It seems a little extreme, but I've never really experienced the world in the mundane: not with my soul.

The days themselves seem mundane, but the big picture is always epic. We have our own epic story to write. Do we CHOOSE to write it?

My father told me about how we should not let others' perception of what we can and cannot do limit what we allow ourselves to achieve. How often do we seem to wait for PERMISSION to live up to our dreams. We never take first steps because we're afraid that the end goal is beyond our reach.

I find myself so often afraid to try because I'm afraid I won't measure up to what I hope and dream I can be.

I've found that in my writing as of late. I've been trying to write a short story that MEANS something. I want it to be entertaining. I want it to flow and be captivating, but at the same time it has to mean SOMETHING. I want to empower and inspire, not just entertain. If I don't do that, I feel like it isn't art. It's simply another way to use up time that we are afraid to use for greater things.

So I put my short story down and am having trouble returning to it. I'm having trouble rolling up my sleeves to engage in a struggle with the words and the ideas. It's never good enough. I could always turn in a paper or short story for school after the second draft and do fine. But this is for me. It is for posterity. It is to show that I AM good at my craft. That it DOES mean something. I have the support of the people around me, but I feel like the real struggle is to convince myself.

Anyway, I find myself looking at other artists, and what they are doing, and I am inspired. I want to take my own passion and creativity and wrestle with it until it takes form and MEANS something.

We all experience pain. We all struggle to understand life and make sense of it. It seems that most often it is through art that we are able to convey that struggle with one another. It's through art that we're able to empathize with one another, or to encourage one another. I've definitely felt that in reading, or looking at sculptures, tattoos, street art, and many other forms. Sometimes, even the way someone is dressed is inspirational. They've turned themselves into a walking art piece, conveying a message about what they believe. Those of us who try can CONNECT with people through things like this.

I think that's something that I really like about the 'art community'. The goal, it seems to me, is not to create some lasting piece that will make you famous, but rather to connect with people, to empathize. To show our pain, our struggle, and have people go 'oh...i get it. I feel it too.' Sometimes, the art community seems to be a conversation about pain, ideas, archetype. I want to be a part of it all.

So, coming full circle, it is now time for a leap of faith. It's time to set out on an adventure. It's time to take first steps towards becoming what I set out to be as a wide eyed teenager. Maybe, when it's all over, I'll find home again. Maybe I won't. But I will give it my best shot. I'll step into the ring to exchange blows with my weaknesses, my adversity, my challenges, my fears. I'll look my destiny in the eyes and say 'I'm coming for you. I won't be stopped. Step by small step, I'm getting closer.'